


Animal I Have Become

by Remember_Ember



Series: one shots and drabbles [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Animal I have become, Dean's becoming a demon, Demon Dean, Don't Judge Me, Gen, I don't know, Mentions of Cas, Random Tagging, Scared Dean, changing dean, deanmon, demonified dean, mentions of Sam - Freeform, mentions of crowley - Freeform, song!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-22
Updated: 2016-04-22
Packaged: 2018-06-03 20:17:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6624739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Remember_Ember/pseuds/Remember_Ember
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So what if you can see the darkest side of me?<br/>No one would ever change this animal I have become<br/>Help me believe it's not the real me<br/>Somebody help me tame this animal<br/>(This animal, this animal)<br/>Dean is changing, his eyes are black and his soul is ripping apart, becoming something new.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Animal I Have Become

> _I can't escape this hell_  
>  _So many times I've tried_   
>  _But I'm still caged inside_   
>  _Somebody get me through this nightmare_   
>  _I can't control myself_

Dean sat back in his chair and smirked. He could count on his fingers how many times he had felt like this. He really felt good. At peace.

And then the world shifted a bit. The edges grew tainted with... something. And it got harder to see the details of the world around him. He turned in a small circle, trying to figure out what was happening. But he couldn't find the source. At least, not until he felt the pain, more like a dull ache, in his arm. Right below his inner elbow on the right side.

And Dean looks down. He looks down and sees a mark. A very familiar mark, that he had forgotten about, and all of a sudden he wasn't so happy. He had tried to convince himself that the Mark had just been a dream, but obviously it hadn't. He looked around his motel room again and realized why everything looked off. His eyes were black.

He turned again, before he caught his reflection in the mirror. He grimaced at what he saw staring back at him. Honestly, he hadn't changed much from he normal appearance. Still had his sandy blonde hair, still had the same jaw and shoulders. But, his true form, it wasn't as what he once had. His body was torn, old scars from hell visible to any who could see. The mark on his arm burning bright with power, seeming to reach out towards the corner of the room where the blade was. His newly acquired horns and tail were obsidian black. His hands and feet held sharp claws, and his wings looked like that of a bat's. His form had been getting bigger too, stretching his skin till it didn't properly.

Dean shifted himself, and took his gaze away from the mirror. It had only been a few days since he woke up in bed, with Crowley hovering over him. Of course he hadn't known that at first and really freaked out. But all was explained.

Dean was still adjusting to his new status. His soul was changing, forming into a huge, horrifying monster. And he also found he could still feel. Though that little tidbit was diminishing as fast as his... true form, was growing. Dean sighed, he didn't think he had long left before all that was gone. One more change cycle, maybe two, at most. He felt trapped and uncomfortable, but unwilling to leave the motel that he had holed up in, not wanting to hurt someone. He didn't want to lose control. But he knew it was something he couldn't escape.

> _So what if you can see the darkest side of me?_  
>  _No one will ever change this animal I have become_   
>  _Help me believe it's not the real me_   
>  _Somebody help me tame this animal_   
>  _(This animal, this animal)_

He wanted to believe it was all a dream though. Just a nightmare that someone would save him from. Like Cas, or Sammy. But also, the mere thought of it, even if he missed them, wanted to see them... he didn't want them to see him like this if it did turn out to be real. Dean let out a frustrated growl and brought his hands up to grip his head, flinching as they brushed against horns. No one could change what he had become though. He knew that. He figured the demon cure wouldn't work on him, not only was he not fully formed, but he was created differently than any other demon. And he had the mark.

He closed his eyes and clasped his hands together. He was going to risk it again, he was going to see if it would work, one last time, and if it did... well, he didn't know what he would do. All he knew was that he needed help, and he didn't trust Crowley to give him what he needed.

"Cas? If... if you can hear me, it's Dean... I- I... I need your help buddy. I'm becoming something and I don't- I don't know what I'm supposed to do Cas. It's not me. I don't want this to be what I really am. I can feel it, moving around under my skin, pushing away who I am as a person. It's taking away my humanity, and I need help, buddy. So just... if you get this, find me. And save me. No matter what I say to you, or what I do, I need you to save me, Cas, one more time... please."

> _I can't escape myself_  
>  _(I can't escape myself)_   
>  _So many times I've lied_   
>  _(So many times I've lied)_   
>  _But there's still rage inside_   
>  _Somebody get me through this nightmare_   
>  _I can't control myself_

Dean looked around the room hopefully afterwards, but sighed in disappointment when Cas didn't show. And then he felt the buildup again. He frowned, cringing as he waited for the next change. They were always painful, stretching him and pulling, making him grow in size, or adding parts to him.

He tried to hide from the pain, from the feeling of drowning that came over him, and the feeling of losing something precious every time it happened. But he also knew that he couldn't escape it. he couldn't escape his future, or what he was becoming.

He could lie to himself all he wanted, he could lie to himself and everyone else, but he knew what was coming. He's lied too many times already though, and he's getting tired of it. He feels the bubbling rage and anger, all to familiar to him, and he grimaces. It was time.

Dean moved to the center of the room, so when he thrashed out he hopefully wouldn't break too much stuff. And it hit him. He cried out in muffled pain as his body warped itself, stretching his skin, pulling it tight, growing his body to strange shapes unfamiliar to him. Tears came to his eyes and he cried out once more. This time though, it wasn't just an animalistic cry, it was a cry for help.

"SAM! CAS! HNNGGHH! AGHHHHHH!" he screamed, wishing they were there to help him. He needed someone to help him through the nightmare of reality.

> _So what if you can see the darkest side of me?_  
>  _No one will ever change this animal I have become_   
>  _Help me believe it's not the real me_   
>  _Somebody help me tame this animal I have become_   
>  _Help me believe it's not the real me_   
>  _Somebody help me tame this animal_

As he changed, he felt some of the last bits of his humanity disperse. He thrashed on the floor as the pain wracked his body, trying to cling to his emotions, his humanity. He was unwilling to changing completely, but clinging to those last few threads hurt. Like he was fighting against his own nature, which at this point, he kind of was.

He felt his skin break as his body stretched and warped. He felt his jaw shift and his horns twist and turn. When it was finally over, he sat up slowly, smiling proudly at himself for making it through. He looked up at the mirror to the changes done this time.

His face had changed, just slightly, his jaw now covered in a thick bone like mask, is what it seemed anyway. His horns had shifted so they pointed towards whoever he was looking at, and his eyes glowed a greenish black color. His skin was still stretched over his skin, except for in some places, where it had ripped, showing his ribs and some bones in his legs and arms. He was just skin and bone now.

he also noticed, vaguely, that he hadn't flinched this time when he looked in the mirror. He frowned at that, before realizing what that meant. _Damnit. This isn't what I wanted. I don't want this! This isn't who I'm supposed to be..._ he had these thoughts for only a moment, before he closed his eyes, and looked in the mirror again, seeing his body, green eyes staring back at him.

Dean smirked and took a look around the musty motel room.

"I think I've spent enough time here." he said to himself, before grabbing his jacket and stepping outside, taking out his phone as he did so.

> _Somebody help me through this nightmare_  
>  _I can't control myself_   
>  _Somebody wake me from this nightmare_   
>  _I can't escape this hell_

He went into his contacts, and paused. he could call Sammy. He could call Sam and get him to help. He could try to talk to him and hope his brother understands...he shook his head. He didn't need Sammy. Not any more. He was a new man.

But Dean found he didn't like that idea so much. He wanted this to be a dream, just a nightmare that he could be helped through, and woken up from. Because he couldn't escape, and he knew, he _knew_ , he wouldn't be able to control himself much longer.

> _(This animal, this animal, the animal, this animal, this animal, this animal, this animal)_

He shook his head again and sighed. He could call Cas? But what would the angel think of him now. He'd be able to see what he really looks like, hidden away inside himself. The angel would surely kill him as soon as he saw him. Dean wouldn't be able to take the look of disgust sure to mar the angel's face.

Crowley then. He would understand, he already does understand. He's a demon, he'll know what to do. And so that's what Dean does. He dials the familiar number of the king of hell and calls hims up for a chat. The king hides Dean away in different hotels and bars across the states, and no one finds them. Not for months.

And then Crowley gets a call from Sam, and Dean is found.

> _So what if you can see the darkest side of me?_  
>  _No one will ever change this animal I have become_   
>  _Help me believe it's not the real me_   
>  _Somebody help me tame this animal I have become_   
>  _Help me believe it's not the real me_   
>  _Somebody help me tame this animal_   
>  _(This animal I have become)_

Dean crossed the devils trap, _ha, easier than I thought it'd be._ He thought, headed put of the room looking for Sammy. He knew he wasn't 100% cured yet, but he was so close, he could feel humanity humming under his skin. But he was conflicted, most of him wanted to be saved, had been since he first woke up. But the darkness inside of him, the Mark, that wanted to stay, and didn't want to leave.

A while after he got out, after he had been warring with himself about getting Sammy to finish the treatments or not, the darkness won out and took control. That part of him didn't care about the disease, or that Sammy could see the darkest part of him. Because it knew no one could change what he had become, not really. Even if he lost his horns and wings, even if he wasn't a demon, he was still a monster. He was still an animal.

He watched like a man possessed as his body went after Sam. With a _hammer_. A hammer for gods' sake! And then he was aiming at Sam with a clear shot, before arms were wrapping around his physical body and his true form. And with a growl he recognized who it was. _Castiel._ This was the last thing he wanted, he didn't want the angel to see him like this, and after a minute or two of fighting for control back, Dean sagged his body and tried to hide himself with his wings from the angels gaze, ashamed.

He soon found himself strapped back in the chair, the last bit of the cure being injected, and he passed out from the pain of his soul reverting back to a humans too fast, as his demon tried to stay, and fought against the intrusion of the cure. _Somebody help me tame this animal I have become..._

After a few seconds, minutes, maybe even hours, Dean didn't know, he opened his eyes again, lifting his head painfully as he felt the last of the demon fade from him, receding to the back of his mind. He wants to thank them, he wants to thank them for taming the beast, for helping him fight back, if only for now.

"You look worried fellas..." he says tiredly instead, a small smile on his lips.


End file.
